If he is a very gentle man or particularly sensitive, he may have difficulty causing you pain — particularly if he cannot wrap his mind around the idea that pain could cause pleasure. Why does pain create a pleasurable response? If you are the victim of sexual assault, it’s possible that your assaults are linked to this. You Give Me.Pain, But You Bring Me Pleasure Get Out Of My Life You Bring Me.Pain, But You Give Me Pleasure Don't Know What.I Like You Bring Me.Pain, But You Bring Me Pleasure Get Out Of My.
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Secret to success is learning how to use pain and pleasure, instead of having pain and pleasure use you. – Anthony Robbins An Exploration of the Pain and Pleasure PrincipleThe pain-pleasure principle lies at the core of everything you do, and of everything you are. Your beliefs, values and psychological rules are all built upon this principle. The decisions you make, the actions you take, and the habits you indulge in, are all based on this principle. In fact, every part of your psyche is influenced in some way by the pain-pleasure principle.
You are therefore who you are today because of how you have interpreted and acted upon the experience of pain and pleasure in your life. And as we all know action always begins with a decision.Before every decision you make, you unconsciously ask yourself the following set of questions:What does this mean?Will it lead to pain or pleasure?What should I do about it?The decision you choose to make will depend on how you interpret pain and pleasure in your life.
And how you interpret pain and pleasure depends on your past experience of pain and pleasure. Digging into Your PastOver the years you have had a variety of personal experiences that have touched your life.
Some of these experiences have been painful and have consequently led to the emotions of anger, hurt, stress, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, depression, etc. Other experiences have been pleasurable and have consequently led to the emotions of happiness, joy, enthusiasm, curiosity, love, gratitude, excitement, etc.All of the emotional experiences you have had are neither good nor bad; they are neither hurtful nor helpful. They are what they are as a result of how you interpreted these experiences at the time. Therefore your experiences of pain and pleasure are nothing more than personal interpretations based on your perspectives at the time.Because your experiences are based on the interpretations you have made, it’s, therefore, safe to say that different people will have different interpretations of the same experience. As such, what you interpret as a painful experience, another person might interpret as a pleasurable experience. In other words, you might experience a situation that makes you feel angry, which leads to pain. At the same time, another person will have the same experience, however, instead of feeling angry, they choose to feel curious.
Both of you had the same experience, however, your interpretations of that experience as different, and you, therefore, experience a very different emotion.How you — or any other person — interpret each experience is based on the underlying parts of your psyche. These parts include your beliefs, values, self-concept, psychological rules, meta-programs, human needs, etc. All these parts of your psyche have been shaped over a lifetime as a result of the experiences/references you have collected over time.The references you have collected come through your five senses.
You have therefore interpreted your world through the use of your five sensory organs of sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. These sensory organs are the windows to the world around you. They allow you to experience both the pleasures and the pains that life has to offer.Over the years you have learned to interpret things in a certain way through your five sensory organs via the experiences you have had. You have for instance learned what works and what doesn’t work; what hurts and what doesn’t hurt; what’s bad and what’s good; what’s right and what’s wrong through the process of trial and error. However, you don’t only learn these things through your own experience, you also learn through the experience of others — through observing other people and the world around you.
This is especially relevant when you’re a child who looks up to others for guidance and direction. It’s during these times in particular that certain beliefs, habits, and perspectives are set in stone and continue to factor into every decision you make for the rest of your life.All of these experiences you have had come in the form of references.
When similar references are collected about certain things, that is when opinions start to form. Then as more and more references are collected about something over time, that is when beliefs start to take shape. And as beliefs start taking shape, they begin to guide every decision you make and action you take. Furthermore, these beliefs influence your values, self-concept, meta-programs, psychological rules, and other parts of your psyche.
Likewise, all of these “parts” shape your beliefs. Therefore your psyche isn’t a straight line, it is rather a circle, or in other words: All of these parts are part of a cycle where one part influences all other parts on a continuous basis throughout your life.These references you collect come in the form of pain and pleasure experiences. Some of them will be taken from the real world, while others will be created in your imagination. It doesn’t really matter where they are taken from. All that matters is that the reference has been made and added to the mix of other references you have collected about related things.Some of your references will, of course, be pleasurable and will bring forth positive and empowering emotions that make you feel good, while other references will be painful and will stir-up negative emotions that will feel absolutely awful.
As a result of these emotional experiences, you subsequently learn more about what brings you pain and what brings you pleasure. And these are the factors that influence every decision you make throughout the day. Influencing Every Decision You MakeIt’s human nature to gravitate towards pleasure and to seek to avoid pain. In other words, you will make most of your decisions based on acquiring pleasure while at the same time trying to avoiding pain. This works well at times, however, at other times, it will actually work against the goals and objectives you are trying to achieve. But more about that shortly.
Let’s first look at the decision-making process.Every decision you make will lead to one or more of the following consequences:. Short-term pain. Short-term pleasure.
Long-term pain. Long-term pleasure.In addition to this, there will be varying degrees of intensity of pain and pleasure ranging from low to high.
The higher the intensity of pain or pleasure the more of an influence it will have on the decision you are about to make. On the other hand, the lower the intensity of the pain and pleasure the less of an impact it will have on your decision-making process.You might, for instance, have a goal that you would like to achieve.
However, in order to achieve this goal, you will need to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable — something that leads to the experience of pain. You think about the decision for a moment and weigh up the consequences of taking and of not taking action.
On the one hand, you have this wonderful goal that will bring you a great deal of pleasure. However, in order to experience this pleasure you must achieve this goal, and achieving this goal will require doing something that will bring you a great deal of pain. You, therefore, have a dilemma on your hands. You want to experience the pleasure of having this goal in your life, but you don’t want to go through the pain of achieving this goal. What do you do?In this particular instance let’s say that you decide to forgo your goal for the time being. You make this decision based on the intensity of the pain that you are likely to experience while pursuing this goal. You are simply not willing to go through the pain in order to attain your goal.
Therefore, the pain of undertaking a specific task required to achieve this goal is far stronger than the pleasure you would experience by achieving your goal. As a result, you fall into the procrastination trap and put off doing this task for another day. In other words, the experience of short-term pain (doing the task) was a far more influential factor in this decision than was the pursuit of long-term pleasure (achieving your goal).In the same scenario, there’s also a chance that you might fall into the instant gratification trap. This is where short-term pleasure has more influence on your decision-making process than long-term pleasure or short-term pain. In such instances, you will choose to indulge in something pleasurable in the short-term in order to avoid short-term pain. Alternatively, you might choose short-term pleasure because the experience of long-term pleasure just isn’t motivating enough to influence your decision-making process.As an example, you might, for instance, be on a 30-day diet plan.
However, after day 10 you just can’t resist the urge of the temptations hiding in your pantry, and you decide to indulge yourself by scoffing down a packet of chips. In this scenario, you chose short-term pleasure because the pain of going through another 20 days of this diet was just too unbearable.Remember that these decisions you’re making are nothing more than conditioned responses that have been learned over the course of your life and are now deeply ingrained into your psyche — manifesting in the form of your beliefs, values, psychological rules, etc. These are the parts of you that are influencing the daily choices and decisions you make, however, these parts have been conditioned into your psyche as a result of how you have interpreted and responded to pain and pleasure in your life.Your decisions are however not as straightforward as they might seem. It’s not just about short and long-term pleasure or pain. It’s more about the degrees of this pain and pleasure and how this factors into your decision-making process.Let’s take a look at an example.You might, for instance, want to achieve a desired weight-loss goal. Achieving this goal will bring you long-term pleasure because you will look better, feel better, and have more energy.
However, getting to this point along your weight-loss journey will not be easy and you will need to go through a lot of short-term pain. However, if the long-term pleasure provides you with enough motivation, then you will likely get through those difficult moments of short-term pain.
But your journey is never smooth, and short-term temptations in the form of sweets and chocolates constantly pop up. These temptations bring you short-term pleasure, and as a result, you now have a dilemma. It’s no longer about short-term pain vs. Long-term pleasure. It’s rather about short-term pain vs. Long-term pleasure vs. Short-term pleasure.
Now the game has changed, and your decision-making process has become somewhat more complicated.In such a scenario, succumbing to short-term pleasure (temptations) means that you could experience long-term pain because you will not achieve your weight-loss goal. To avoid short-term pleasure you will need to go through short-term pain in order to get to the long-term pleasure of achieving your weight-loss goal. This means that you have to have enough motivation behind the long-term pleasure (your goal) to help you avoid the short-term pleasure (temptations). You also need enough motivation in order to work through the short-term pain that you will need to go through along your journey towards that goal. Finding Your MotivationWhether you are consciously aware of it or not, you make these pleasure-pain decisions every single day without even realizing it. They are a part of you, they are a part of your life, and they are a part of your decision-making process.The pain-pleasure principle creates the.
Understanding this principle means that you will successfully be able to adjust your levels of motivation at will as you work towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.When it comes to finding peak levels of motivation, it all comes down to how much pain and pleasure you associate to achieving and to not achieving your goal. Therefore if you seek high levels of motivation, then you will need to associate as much short and long-term pleasure as possible to achieve your goal and as much short and long-term pain towards not achieving your goal. You will of course probably need to go through periods of short-term pain along your journey towards that goal, however, this short-term pain should not deter you from your journey if there is enough long-term pleasure associated with achieving your goal, and enough long-term pain associated with not achieving your goal. And this is exactly the process we will work through when we explore the pain-pleasure creation process within the next section.The Pain and Pleasure Principle in PracticeNow that you have a comprehensive understanding of how pain and pleasure influence every decision you make and action you take, it’s time to move through an eight-step process that will allow you to use this pain-pleasure principle to help you successfully transform unhelpful habits, behaviors, and emotions. Moreover, you can use this process to help develop the motivation you need to achieve your goals and objectives.As you work through this process, keep in mind that you are in control of the direction of your life.
You have the ability to assign the weight of pain and pleasure to every decision you make. This will successfully allow you to “tip the scales” in one direction or another that supports the goals that you would like to achieve or the changes you would like to make in your life. Step 1: Prepare YourselfAs you work through this process, it’s important that you have a goal in mind. This is something that you would like to accomplish in the future.
This is the “carrot on the stick” that you will use to lay down a solid path moving forward as you work through this process. Ask yourself:What goal would I like to achieve?Now consider what is preventing you from achieving this goal. These are things that are standing in your way and preventing you from moving forward.
You might, for instance, have a set of limiting behaviors, emotions, questions, beliefs, habits, unhelpful thoughts, etc. These are your internal patterns of self-sabotage that are currently holding you back. Have a good think about these things by asking yourself:What limiting behaviors/habits might be holding me back?What unhelpful thoughts, questions, emotions and beliefs are tied to these behaviors?How are these thoughts, questions, emotions and beliefs holding me back from achieving my goal?What patterns are evident?What you are attempting to do here is identify patterns that might help you to better understand your limiting behaviors. The better you understand these patterns, the easier it will be to work through these limiting behaviors and habits-of-mind successfully as you move through the remaining steps of this process.Having now pinpointed the things that are holding you back, take time now to identify the origins of this behavior. Do this by asking yourself the following set of questions:When did this behavior originate in my life?What was the specific cause? How did it come into my life?What does this behavior mean to me?Why am I allowing this behavior to continue?The key question here is, why you are allowing this behavior to continue?
And the answer to this question will most likely be: that you simply don’t have enough reasons to make a change. In other words, you don’t have the necessary inspiration (pleasure) or desperation (pain) to eliminate this behavior from your life.To make the desired changes to this behavior you will need to find the necessary “inspiration” to change or the necessary “desperation” to change.When you’re “inspired” you make decisions based on the principle of pleasure.
This “inspiration” can either come from within in the form of passion and a sense of purpose, or it can come from external sources when you are for instance inspired to do something because of the respect you might receive from others if you successfully make a change.When you’re doing things out of “desperation”, you are at that moment making decisions based on the principle of pain. This “desperation” can come from within when you feel an obligation within yourself to make a change, or it can come from external sources when you are for instance motivated by the consequences of some kind of fear that will befall you if you don’t make this change.Both forces of “inspiration” and “desperation” are required to help you make the necessary changes to your behavior.
These forces work because when properly balanced they will help you to create the sense of urgency you need to take positive action towards the attainment of your desired objectives.Step 2: Stir Up the PainStep One was a preparation step. Step Two is where all the fun begins.
This is where you begin stirring up some painful emotions that will hopefully create a sense of desperation that will allow you to pursue your goals with a little more urgency.Within this step, you will be asking yourself a set of questions that might be very painful to think about. And that’s okay. In this instance, emotional pain is a good thing and will provide you with the necessary leverage you need to start making positive changes in your life.The questioning process you will be going through has three distinct stages. The first set of questions will focus on the present moment. The second set of questions will explore the past. And the third set of questions will attempt to predict the future over a period of 5, 10 and 20 years.As you go through each of these questions, pause and have a good think about your answers. Use your imagination to reflect on each of your responses while fully immersing yourself in your experience using all five of your senses.
In fact, the more you immerse yourself emotionally, the better this process will work for you and the more urgency you will be able to create to help you make the necessary changes to your life.It’s now time to delve into this questioning process. As you work through these questions keep in mind the things you identified earlier that are holding you back from attaining your goal. These are the unhelpful behaviors, habits, emotions, beliefs, etc, that you would like to change.
For the purpose of this questioning process, we will refer to these things as “behaviors”. However, while asking these questions yourself, feel free to make them more specific to your situation.Think about your current life and circumstances and ask yourself the following set of questions:What is this behavior costing me physically? Spiritually?What is this behavior costing me when it comes to my career prospects?What is this behavior costing me when it comes to my relationships with others?What is this behavior costing me in terms of the goals that I would like to achieve?What am I missing out on as a result of indulging in this behavior?How is this behavior affecting other people?How is this behavior affecting how I spend my time?How is this behavior influencing how I talk to myself and how I talk to others? How is this bad?While indulging in this behavior, how do I tend to use my physiology?
Why is this bad?How is this behavior clearly not working for me in the present moment?Now, take yourself back into the past and ask yourself the following set of questions:What has this behavior cost me in the past?How has it cost me physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and spiritually?What has it cost me in terms of my career choices and within my relationships with others?How has it denied me the chance to attain my goals and objectives?What opportunities has it denied me? How many of these opportunities might I never get back?What have I missed out on as a result of indulging in this behavior?How has this behavior affected other people? How is it made them feel?How has this behavior affected how I spend my time?How has this behavior affected my state-of-mind?What regrets do I have as a result of this behavior?How has this behavior sabotaged me over-and-over again? The Getting Unstuck 10 Map Bundle includes a selection of hand picked maps that are designed to help you break free from the limitations of your comfort zone and power-up your motivation.If you’re intrigued by the idea of using mind maps for self-improvement then I would like to invite you to become an IQ Matrix Member.If you’re new to mind mapping or just want to check things out, then register for the. There you will gain access to over 90 mind maps, visual tools, and resources valued at over $500.If, on the other hand, you want access to an ever-growing library of 100s of visual tools and resources, then check out our.
These packages provide you with the ultimate visual reference library for all your personal development needs.Gain More KnowledgeHere are some additional links and resources that will help you learn more about this topic:. @ The Success Professor. @ LinkedIn.
@ A Daring Adventure. @ Alive with Passion. @ Persuasive. @ Women In Business.